Am sitting in the kitchen with a tube of Ben&Jerry's. Just finished listening to Bill Hicks' "Dark Poet", one of the finest and most original pieces by the social philosopher of the comedian trade. Don't know how he does manages to be that funny while he keeps insulting the audience, "digging comedy holes". Vile, him. But still one of the most brilliant minds of our times.

Did you know, after that he found out he's soon gonna die of cancer, he kept on making live comedy? Kept his attitude, too, didn't let himself sink into this numbening fear of dying that many terminally ill people have. What's the point of living if you're afraid of death? And not knowing when exactly the day's gonna come, should I wait for it? Is death something I should prepare for? Should I pack something in particular?

As life is what really causes death, to be afraid of dying is to be afraid of living. It's the smoking, drinking, screwing around, eating shitty food, and sleeping five hours a day. Its' the traveling for days on dirty, overcrowded trains between obscure destinations, walking for whole afternoons around Her Majesty's parks in the cold, damp weather, and standing in the backyard, half-naked on stormy nights.

I keep waiting for my life to start. Like there's gonna be a day when, I don't know, someone's gonna present me with a certificate stating that I'm an adult now.

And I'm tired of people assuming that a long life is an end in itself. Show me the stats on that. People are saving up for the old age, like if life started when you're over sixty. Wrong! Your life is right now, it's what just happens to us every day, not something one plans for.

Past is but a memory and future is but a dream, as someone once put it. There is nothing except this very moment. Everything else is just an illusion we've created for ourselves to make the shitty lives we struggle trough seem worth the effort. If you did the same things today as you did yesterday -- sleep, work, eat, watch tv, sleep — you have wasted a whole day. No but's, no now-wait-the-minute's, you haven't done anything today. Your life just got a day shorter.

Time is only an illusion. I'll let that sink in.

Time isn't passing, it's us that are aging. We see the world — including ourselves — as constant, with only some minor changes which can be stopped, or their impact limited. Bullshit. The whole world is changing, albeit slowly, without stopping for the shortest moment. What we see as changes is only our levels of perception being crossed. Big things happen slowly.

We like to see great inventors as creators, while they are patient observers. Einstein didn't invent the onness of energy and matter, but rather observed it in how the two of them behave. The laws of physics are like nothing like the laws between people. They're only the descriptions of how and why things happen the way they happen. They certainly cannot be broken, bent, or remade. If something happens outside the scope of what we conceive as possible, it is only because we hadn't understood it quite that well.