I don't want to be the whining fucking pussy here, but could any of you tell me please what is wrong with you ladies? Are you stupid? Blind perhaps? I see a guy, one of those guys you're so keen to date, and I know for sure he's an asshole who'll cheat on you, steal from you, come home drunk and violent. I already know that he'll make you think you're fat and ugly, and that you couldn't make it on your own; that you're worthless, can't cook nor clean the house properly, that your ass is huge and your tits too small.

I know way too many girls, and you're fucking annoying. It's not even that you fall for them, but that afterwards you say "there's no nice guys left", and that "all men are pigs". And you're saying that to me, the sweetest fucking dick-bearing creature on the planet.

Well, there's only two ways out of this: either you grow up and start acting like the damn adults you're supposed to be — which, considering your track record, I find highly unlikely — or I can adapt to the environment I'm in and become a jerk.

And I don't want to be a jerk, so ladies, repeat after me:

a) When a guy says

• "You look very nice in this dress",
• "I'd like to get to know you better", and
• "I think about you all the time"

, he means respectively

• "You tits look good in this dress",
• "I wonder how your pussy feels like", and
• "I think about you while jacking off"

b) If he hits you once, he'll do it again. He has no right to hit you, no matter what he says, and no matter what the circumstances. You are a human being and you have your rights. And no matter how much you love him, if he hurts you on purporse it means that he doesn't love you back. We don't want our loved ones to suffer.

c) If he cheats on you with another woman once, he'll do it again. He has no right to sleep with anyone except you, unless you choose to let him. But if you let him do that, you're fucked anyway.

d) All man want to conquer, don't let yours feel like he's got all he wants. Give him what makes him happy, but not unless he gives you what makes you happy. And I mean HAPPY.

e) If you're afraid to take him somewhere for that he's likely to do something really dumb, dump his ass. He's not a kid and should have learned how to behave by now. If he didn't, you're playing a mother to a guy who's your age. And you've got serious issues.

f) Each time you find yourself saying "but overall, he is a good guy" it means he's not.

g) You are special. He's just a guy.

And you'd better get to it quickly, 'cause if I turn into a jerk, you're fucked. I'm really good at being bad.

I've taken the listening part of my CPE exam today and did fairly good at it. I'm hoping to get a B. Going back home December 22nd, by coach. Twenty-four hours of doing not much more than sitting on my ass and watching Dancing With Wolves or some shit like that.

One more photo from the cute little digital camera I've bought today. The battery run out pretty quickly, but considering the price (£20) it's decent and certainly enough to have a bit of fun, or even shoot a thing or two for designing websites.

Superbaby & Dog

I work in extremely dangerous conditions.

Do not touch the screen please.

I am a dog. I am a wolf.

I wasn't made for city life. I wasn't made for living among the herds of grazers. I can either live alone, or in a small pack I would respect and love.

I am not used to crying for the mercy of others. If only left alone, I can take care of myself. I do not need your mercy and pity, as it is you who are at mercy, and pitied. I do not need your help, and if I should, I will ask for it directly and with no self-loathing.

I may act domesticated, and indeed, as it means nothing more than forcing a wild animal into obeying rules that are alien to it, domesticated I am. But that does not mean those rules are inbred into my system, but rather they are a warm and fluffy coat I wear as not to be overrun by sheep.

I'am not one of you, but I am one of us.

I think someone needs a hug.

From Yahoo's Oddly Enough: COLUMBUS, Ohio - Police believe they have caught a man known as the "naked photographer," who is accused of sneaking up on women while wearing little more than a baseball cap and photographing their shocked expressions. [...]

I did make some resolutions this year. To quit smoking. To excercise more. And to be kinder to my friends and small animals. And I kept those resolutions — for six whole days. And the I broke them. All of them. I feel bad about that, really bad. Not because I broke them, but because I wasted six whole days.
—A. Whitney Brown

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
—A. Whitney Brown

There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.
—A. Whitney Brown, "The Big Picture"

Violence is only ever used as a proof of power. Therefore if you use violence, you want to prove certain strenghts to your opponent. And conversely, people of true certainty don't use violence.

But fundamentalists seem to be a group whose certainty is evident, but then why would they use violence in their struggle to impose their views on others? And why would they want to impose their views anyway? Is it that their certainty is based purely on the belief, with no proof for it? They childishly say "just because", and are deeply frustrated by not having things done their way. In fact, the fundamentalists — both of the religious and the political kind — are as much unsure and unsecure as they would like not to appear so. Their belief is based on unresolved illogicalities, on unprovable dogmas, on pages upon pages of mysticisms and superstitions. They have resolved to either ignore, or limit opposing views, as they have not a single proof, not a shred of evidence to support theirs. When you believe something that cannot be proved, you can't allow for any spark of doubt, as if there is a reason to believe you're wrong, you probably are. Any proof is better than no proof at all.

But religions were also a tool of social developement when formal education was only available to a handfull of the richest kids, and when the tools of communication more efficient than a loud shout were available only to those who made a nice profit on each message. Now, even the oldest and most widespread of relligions crumble, if for no other reason than their irrelevance to the stage of social evolution we are currently entering.

People who believe in gods are no different from those who believe in astrology, dwarves, and tooth-fairies. Why should I respect that in others what I would certainly not respect in myself? And should I respect a child's fantasy of there being a monster under it's bed, or should I take it as an idication of some emotional problem and help the child get rid of it?

Why do people believe in gods? Everything a living creature does of it's own free will is directed towards raising it's happiness and reducing it's suffering. One way to achieve this is by maximizing one's power over his body and environment. If we assume that there is a power greater than all the others combined, and that influence can be extorted over such power, it is if as one was wielding that power himself.

I've bought myself a Palm Tungsten E and I'm writing on the move now. Here's some of what I've gathered:

---

I've just got my Palm charged up and am playing with the thing. Gotta got used to the Graffiti writing system, but overall I think it could be the begining of a great friendship.

Getting used to Grafitti shouldn't take that long, but I'm starting to feel my wrist. Perhaps it's gonna get better with time. Got to buy the keyboard nonethless.

Oh, fuck that, I'm taking the protective foil off the screen.

Now, that's much better. The screen looks much better too, all shiny and shit. I will probably have to get some of those fucking foils someday (I hate scratches) but not just yet. Got to enjoy it bare first. Guess it goes for relationships too.

---

A delivery van branded "McNicolas". Must be the commercial branch of Santa's operation.

---

People don't see the irony of there being plenty of fish-farms everywhere, and not one mammal-farm.

---

Coma as a punctuation mark and as a state of letargy. It's a very nice word for it, as the latter is a bit like stopping in a middle of a sentence,

---

English is the C of human communication. It's as flexible and powerfull, as easy to learn and as difficult to master. Just look at how dialects spawn from it's seamingly rigid body, how new words are constantly added to it's dictionaries.

Oh, and I'm smoking again. Started last night, which I was working whole, fixing computers. What a boring profession I have chosen, and on the other hand how perfect. Working alone, at night, well paid, and in absence of any annoying people is a rare bliss. Find something like that ain't easy nowadays which is so painfully obvious considering what I'm doing for living the last couple of months.

Perhaps later in life, when I unavoidably complete my de-evolution into a slothful elephant, I should become a scientist, sitting on my ass whole day, playing with the kind of shit only a few people in the world understand. Might be that I have an inclination to do that.

Am sitting in the kitchen with a tube of Ben&Jerry's. Just finished listening to Bill Hicks' "Dark Poet", one of the finest and most original pieces by the social philosopher of the comedian trade. Don't know how he does manages to be that funny while he keeps insulting the audience, "digging comedy holes". Vile, him. But still one of the most brilliant minds of our times.

Did you know, after that he found out he's soon gonna die of cancer, he kept on making live comedy? Kept his attitude, too, didn't let himself sink into this numbening fear of dying that many terminally ill people have. What's the point of living if you're afraid of death? And not knowing when exactly the day's gonna come, should I wait for it? Is death something I should prepare for? Should I pack something in particular?

As life is what really causes death, to be afraid of dying is to be afraid of living. It's the smoking, drinking, screwing around, eating shitty food, and sleeping five hours a day. Its' the traveling for days on dirty, overcrowded trains between obscure destinations, walking for whole afternoons around Her Majesty's parks in the cold, damp weather, and standing in the backyard, half-naked on stormy nights.

I keep waiting for my life to start. Like there's gonna be a day when, I don't know, someone's gonna present me with a certificate stating that I'm an adult now.

And I'm tired of people assuming that a long life is an end in itself. Show me the stats on that. People are saving up for the old age, like if life started when you're over sixty. Wrong! Your life is right now, it's what just happens to us every day, not something one plans for.

Past is but a memory and future is but a dream, as someone once put it. There is nothing except this very moment. Everything else is just an illusion we've created for ourselves to make the shitty lives we struggle trough seem worth the effort. If you did the same things today as you did yesterday -- sleep, work, eat, watch tv, sleep — you have wasted a whole day. No but's, no now-wait-the-minute's, you haven't done anything today. Your life just got a day shorter.

Time is only an illusion. I'll let that sink in.

Time isn't passing, it's us that are aging. We see the world — including ourselves — as constant, with only some minor changes which can be stopped, or their impact limited. Bullshit. The whole world is changing, albeit slowly, without stopping for the shortest moment. What we see as changes is only our levels of perception being crossed. Big things happen slowly.

We like to see great inventors as creators, while they are patient observers. Einstein didn't invent the onness of energy and matter, but rather observed it in how the two of them behave. The laws of physics are like nothing like the laws between people. They're only the descriptions of how and why things happen the way they happen. They certainly cannot be broken, bent, or remade. If something happens outside the scope of what we conceive as possible, it is only because we hadn't understood it quite that well.

A very tall guy with a rather round face came in, his pants a good bit too short, well above his ankles. It kind of looked like he'd unexpectedly grown a few inches this morning.

I've quit smoking yesterday, figured out I need to stop before I'm seriously addicted. Right.

Anyways I'm starting to feel the effects of quitting — the craving for candy (I've quit candy simultaneously), nervousness, hate towards those lucky beasts who are free to inhale the holy smoke into their unworthy lungs. All the standards and cliches.

But the real problem is that it's a self-imposed restriction, only as strong as my will to uphold it. It's so strange, to have two perfectly defined and vivid, opposed fractions in one's head. I know I wanna smoke up — not only crave it physically, but really, really want to — and at the same time I'm almost sure I don't want to, because it's gonna kill me or something.

Blunts are now the only nicotine-ridden thing I that ingest. Well, inhume, but you know what I mean. Which could prove to be a problem — the inhuming, not the knowing — 'cause now it's a two-in-one drug, so I could want it twice as much.

Well, we'll see. It would be far easier to quit if I had someone to keep me to it, but if I can manage it with someone's help, I can also do it alone. Talkin' ain't nuthin'.

We are a world wide nation.

A few thoughts on economy, I'll have to organize it someday. Now it's a bit like what would come out of my head if someone hit it with an idea-paddle.

The economy of numbers is not "real" in itself, but it is built around the real one, the economy of objects. Money is a delayed gratification device. It allows for delaying the pleasure derived from work, like a freezer allows for storing food almost indefinetly. It's also abstract enough to be easily exchangable for goods, but is should not be mistaken for a good itself. Money is not a product nor service, it does not fulfill any needs it inself. It is the representation of power.

If money is not a real entity, but rather the representation of power (wealth) derived from real-world processes, it shouldn't be looked at as an mathematical idea. It's growth has less to do with accounting and banking, and more with the actual processes that emerge and grow. If a company's shares' value is on the rise, it means — in theory at least — that the company produced a profit from it's operations. A profit is the difference between the cost of manufacturing a product or performing a service, and it's price to the receiving party. It is actually not as crucial to the company's existance as we are led to believe. If the income covers the costs of it's operations: raw materials, wages, research, marketing, it is enough for the company to continue it's existance.

The most of the unnecessary cost in running a company is in the management — that including human resources, accounting, and public relations. Management is redundant and should be minimised in the future companies. A company shouldn't have it's own group of people that glue together different parts of the company. A big company of the today's economy should actually be divided into small, highly specialized entities that take minimal management and can be easily replaced by a different company to create a more efficient string of processes that result in a consumer product.

The current trend to integrate as many companies into a single entity is sustained by high taxes. The higher the taxes, the more efficient it is to avoid them by minimizing the outflow of the capital. Basicly, if the money stays within the company, there's no taxes to pay. The downside is the need for extensive management, caused by the lack of competition. If within the company there's a department that deals with presenting products to the general populace, it is the only one that the company uses. Using any other, outside department would prove inefficient, as the company wouldn't only have to pay the outside entity to provide the required services, but it would also have to sustain it's now useless, internal structure.

That is why extensive outsourcing is the way of a more efficient economy. Outsourcing is obviously not a new idea, there's not a single company that is fully self-sufficient. Even the largest companies still purchase electricity, communications, information (including the news services it's management uses) from other, smaller ones.

Most products are cheaper to produce in large quantities, but mass production tends to lead to lower quality products. When something is mass-produced, the focus moves from individual consumer appease to the companies that are more bent on how much of it's price they will have to include, and less on how good the product actually is. There's more chance of an error in something complicated, which is why the simpler the product, the more efficient it's mass production can be.

Therefore all production should be done by small, specialized companies that try to minimize the individual cost by maximizing the output. It's how the power plants and telecoms work: they offer a product/service that is easy to produce, adaptable, and uncomplicated. Their problem, the one they will have to overcome in the future is their size. If a company is bigger than a dozen people it needs structure, which leads to management, which is an unnecessary expense.

This is not to say that the today's companies should promptly dissolve into a myriad of smaller ones. The point of having small companies is that their ownership would be spread throughout the society, as each company should have only it's most direct profit in mind. Any human-created market strategy will always result in inefficiency, as it's goal — to create greater profit — will be easier to achieve.

Overall I'm in a good mood. I've found a new book to read, called "Happiness". It's about what happens when someone finally writes the ultimate self-help book, you know, the one that would make you quit smoking, and improve your sex life — and it would really work.

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As the Christmas approaches, a carol was born to warm up the hearts and spirits. It's A Drug War Carol.

As any open-minded, rational person I am against the prohibition of drugs. First of all, drugs are just things, objects, that cannot be sensibly thought of as evil or harmful. That you can hurt yourself using drugs is no more a reason to ban them than murders are a reason to ban ropes, knives, and poisons. Drugs do have positive uses.

Second of all, banning drugs does nothing to limit their use among population. Netherlands, where you can legally buy marijuana has less drug use than USA, where you'd get thrown in jail for that.

Third of all, most of the harm resulting from the use of drugs is only due to their illegality. If a drug addict could get a hit for a twenty-pence, he wouldn't have to rob a hundred quid from someone, he could just bum the money. The drug industry, not fueled by the huge profits anymore, would turn into simple and transparent farming and chemical industries, honest and tax-paying folk.

And last but not least, as most drugs tend to raise self-consciousness, they could aid the evolution of our societies into more just, supportive ones — so that, as Bill Hicks used to say, "something like heaven might dawn."

Ask Yahoo explaining whether chocolate is addictive or not: "[C]hocolate contains over 300 distinct chemicals. They undoubtedly play some role in our love for the stuff."

Hold on, hold on. So you're saying that the substances which chocolate consists of may play some role in it's effect on human body? Boy, that's what I call insightful reporting.

But what's interesting is that supposedly a certain chemical in chocolate, anandide, causes roughly the same reaction in the brain as tetrahydrocannabinol, the active ingredient in marijuana. Fondles the same receptors up in the gray or summink. Agreed, in order to get high you'd have to consume twenty-five pounds of the stuff, but still I don't see marijuana light being legally sold in the streets or liberally presented to the youngens.

From Diesel Sweeties:

– This unit wants to crush all hu-mans... It is my primary function... My reason for being... Why must this unit be so filled with hate?
– It's probably because you're not getting any.

That's so true...

Diesel Sweeties is the cartoon strip I'm currently devouring.

I think I'm gonna enter the US Visa Lottery, not much chance of being selected, but still something. It'll give that extra umph to my plot to conquer the world before thirty.

Marijuana gives me the ability to create and evolve new ideas, while only with a full clarity of mind I can achieve the swiftness of logics and reasoning that is required to evaluate ideas and conjoin them into more complex structures.

Pushing your mind into the higher levels of consciousness is and individual process. Refining is usually made easier by the joined thought processes of several individuals.

There seems to be a relation between this and the evolutionary processes of the biological world. First there's competition over the scarce resources between species, to divide them roughly. Then when a single species reigns over them thanks to it's supreme adaptation to the environment, competition moves inside the ranks of the winner, creating subspecies.

So nature first creates a set of possible solutions to a problem, and then refines them.

New species are born out of radical changes in the environment — which create new possibilities for acquisition of energy, and then refines the processes of acquisition to gather the energy as efficiently as it is possible in the used model.

So this is also true for ideas people create. A new idea is born to replace the old one, and if it's more efficient in terms of aqusition of energy — including of course defending itself and it's power source — it will most probably be widely implemented.

Every new idea has to cope with it's cost of implementation. For an agile hunting animal to be born not only the idea of predation has to be introduced, but also the ideas of strength, speed, senses, and weapons have to be evolved to a certain extent. Also, there must exist an environment in which the predatory model can be successfully implemented. Likewise, if there's no evolved means of communication there can be no society, no matter how beneficial a society could prove for a species.

18:25 — Nie mogę na serio pisać tego bloga choćby dlatego, że czyta go moja mama, znajomi itp. Jezeli nie moge go pisac na serio, to po co mam go pisac wogóle?

Blog mogę traktować albo jako zapiski i komentarze codziennych wydarzeń, czego mi się robić nie chce, albo jako coś pół serio, sposób na wyrzucenie z siebie emocji i podzielenie się przemyśleniami. Żeby jednak robić to drugie muszę mieć pełną swobodę ekspresji, nie mogę się za bardzo przejmować co sobie kto pomyśli o mnie osobiście.

Piszę o tym, bo moja mama napisała że nie spodobał jej się poprzedni wpis i mam napisać coś miłego. Więc OK.

Dzisiaj przed pracą wyszedłem na papierosa przed budynek i gdy uniosłem głowę niebo było różowo-błękitne, bardzo ładne. I byłem dziś w kinie na "Intolerable Cruelty", komedię romantyczną z Catheriną Zeta-Jones i Georgem Clooneyem, nie było złe.

I've stopped reading the news for a couple of days now. It seems like I didn't have the time, though to be honest I don't really know what I did instead. IMing with a couple of friends mostly. Trying to gain some ground before going back to Poland, if you catch my drift. If you don't, I mean sex.

I've used to say that the intelligence isn't that important, but I think I was playing it down to look good. A mind mighty strong is as crucial in everyday life as beauty is. It helps you calculate how much change you should have got, or analyze which tube station to get off on, or perhaps it could let you understand how to set the clock on the damn vcr.

So another social stigma destined for us to get rid off — differences in intelligence. We're starting to see, I hope, that beauty is just something some people have. It's useful to have it and if had, should be used to gain money and respect. Or it might be just my morality, lacking in compassion for the ugly.

But while most people aren't much pissed off when you call them ugly, they take strong offence when called stupid. When asked, eighty-some per cent of people consider themselves to have an above the average intelligence, which is of course bollocks. Most people have an average intelligence, hence the name of it, average. But again, while most people don't mind being of average looks-wise, average intelligence is considered somewhat inferior.

Oh, and I'm of average looks and a higher-than-average intelligence. But I guess you already know that.

Had a day off today and went to the movies ("The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen") to celebrate that. And took a day off from blogging, too. You buggers can piss off. (I'm just kidding; I live solely for your reading pleasure, honest.)

I've bought a book in the bookshop next to the Wimbledon Odeon cinema, "The Rebel" by Albert Camus. Seems to be a good one. I know the author's name, and that he's one of those fancy French writers, but not much beyond that. Well, we'll see how it comes out. First I gotta finish "The Wrong Boy" first.

From Reuters: The spell cast by the latest Harry Potter book may have an unintended side effect. A Washington doctor warned that he has seen three children complain of headaches caused by the physical stress of relentlessly plowing through the epic 870-page adventure.

Call them Hogwarts headaches, named after the wizard school that Harry attends.

Dr. Howard Bennett of George Washington University Medical Center wrote in a letter to this week's New England Journal of Medicine that the three children, ages 8 to 10, experienced a dull headache for two or three days.

Gee, 'course they got them headaches from those damn 'arry Potter books. They' never complained before, now did they?

As a kid I've used to read books for many hours a day with no ill effects, other than having no friends and being fat. Could it be that those kids never got any headaches because they have never read a fucking book?

I'm waiting for the parents to sue Mrs. Rowling.

From AP: PHILADELPHIA - About 20 Catholic school girls chased down a man who had been flashing them near their high school, tackled him to the ground and held him there until police arrived, authorities said.

While it's good to see young people cooperating to fight off the dangers, the first question that came to me was that except for the police part, wasn't this exactly what this guy was after? I mean, being chased down and wrestled to the ground by 20 Catholic school girls, how cool is that?